The past couple weeks have been a whirlwind because of the numerous images, ideas, situations, and focus points have flashed before my eyes. Sitting on the BART a week or so ago and realizing that I'm nowhere near the person I used to be this time 2010 made me feel amazing. The above-mentioned streams of thought seem to compound this belief and the fact that I have multiple unpublished posts regarding the same topic reinforces it. Browsing Style.com and memorizing the season's trends never used to be me, but I suppose that's how it is now- I'm not fighting it.
I recently took a trip down to Los Angeles and San Diego where the entire time away was filled with friends, family, (real) Mexican food, and my new iPhone. In the time I spent down there, I couldn't help but feel that nothing had really changed in the seven months I had been gone-- that it was as if I never left. Needlessly said, it was unsettling and disenchanting seeing many people I care about still in the same rut as before and a vivid nightmare last night regarding my leaving makes the separation still an issue. Regardless of all that, I can't help but compare and feel as if I've slowly gotten somewhere. Maybe it's the simple pair of cute wedges I wear now that made me feel more accomplished--- but in the long run, that last sentence is ridiculous. Shoes don't change a person- I don't think.
Even though so many months had gone by, I felt sick to my stomach when I said good bye to my family and thought of all the friends I'd leave behind. The idea that parting of ways becoming easier and easier with time is the only real consolation I can draw from my predicament. That's another whole stretch of "growing up" I've yet to accomplish. So yes, the departure from San Diego was bittersweet. The only thing that really shook me into reality was spoting the San Francisco skyline from the airplane on my return.