Ya, I'm Stressing.

Stress is no joke, and lately I've been under a lot of it. While I was in the shower this morning, trying to decompress, I figured this topic definitely needed covering because honestly, it's overwhelming. Not in a depressing way, necessarily, but in a way that asks: "what do I do?!"

My dad has ulcers so I know that for me personally, I have to watch out before something like that happens to me. But sometimes, my mind gets the better of me and I can think of nothing but that stressful thing that replays over and over in my mind. "Downward Spiral"! It's of course nothing like some drug induced melodrama, but for someone like me, it's serious enough for me to ask if I should have a systematic way to handle it; a routine.

Common activities people suggest:

• Yoga.
• Drinking soothing tea.
• Sleeping more.
• Meditation.
• Just Stop Stressing.

The last option always feels like a slap in the face for me. "Just Stop", my boyfriend says. But for someone as stressed out as I am, it's kind of like saying to someone depressed, "Get Over It". It doesn't help, doesn't make me feel better, doesn't make the stress and worry any less terrible. If anything, I feel it accelerates it. 

When I was younger I used to have panic attacks pretty regularly. I particularly remember one incident where my mom found me curled up against the wall of my room, breathing heavily, having a straight anxiety attack. I've mellowed out a lot since then (I think I was maybe 14 or 15 at the time)-- but the stress is still very real for me today. I've never gotten it checked out because I've only ever viewed it as directly correlated to my circumstances, not implicitly inherent to my physiology. 

Still though, the more time passes, the more I think I should probably be trying each of the things written in the above list. Stress is keeping me up at night, waking me during the night, waking me early. It's like I can feel my stomach in nothing but knots, all the time. So, no more mentality of yoga for weight loss-- I need yoga to de-stress. And less stressful situations in my life, as well.  

Toast with extra butter and marmalade doesn't make me a fatty.

I'm not going to lie, it's nice being ("decently") connected to the internet again. I love my iPhone to pieces but holy cow. There really is nothing like being able to see my favorite websites again at full screen. Granted, my hopes for 2011 of finally getting a new computer are still in the wings, at least my janky laptop still connects and the keys still can click away at a blogger's speed. Ah, it's nice to be back.

I have tons of pictures to post but in the meantime, New Year Resolutions! I will start by saying that my resolutions from last year turned out positively! I quit Starbucks once and for all and am now a happy specialist at an Apple retail store which is exciting and amazing. I didn't quite stretch for France, but there's always this year. Anyway- resolutions for 2012:

 

To further explain each one...

#1: I've upped my shoe heel pain tolerance for 2011 but in all honesty, my heel collection is limited to... 3 pairs. I've gotta step it up a notch and not only buy more of these beautiful stilts, but really practice my swagger. I don't look like an awkward giraffe in the pairs I own (unlike the very unclassy ladies I saw being trashy on NYE!), but eventually I'd like to comfortably rock a 4" heel. Besides, look how amazing! Yey for Miu Miu!

 

#2: I quit my gym membership which is kind of funny for it happening at the beginning of the year. Everyone is rushing to go join and I up and quit! I realized that the only reason I wanted the membership was to go to yoga classes... which I can comfortably download podcasts for on my phone. Now that I've recently moved to my own apartment, finding space for my yoga mat isn't a problem... and doing corpse pose on my bedroom floor with sunlight warming me up feels amaaaazing. Now I just have to do it more than once every few months. Any improvement- even if once a week- would make me proud and call this resolution a win.

#3: I didn't quite realize how much my drawing skills have deteriorated since I last drew my New Year drawings so I figured this is very appropriate! On an aside, I'll be attending a Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School next week so if anything, that should wrangle me back on track. I've heard of this group randomly here and there, but I think it'd be fun to start doing something like this. Get a drink in hand and do some amazing drawings. I just have to warm myself up before hand otherwise the two hours of awesome poses will be lost!

Either way, please look forward to my next few posts which will include drawings, inspirational images, and well, shoes. I have a lot of high hopes for 2012!